Grocery Gripps has no affiliation with, and is not endorsing, The Donald. We're simply a fan of making shopping great again! #MakeShoppingGreatAgain
No one really enjoys shopping for their groceries. It's kind of like writing thank-you cards for presents (which, incidentally, the act of shopping plays a crucial role in. Coincidence?). It may not be something you like to do, but it's something you do because being a member of society means being inconvenienced from time to time.
Well, all that's about to change. Here at Grocery Gripps, we're all about taking the gross out of groceries. You never look forward to cohabiting with some of the mouth-breathers you meet at Wal-Mart twice a week, but you certainly won't hate it. And here are just 10 reasons why.
1. You Hate the Quest for the Perfect Parking Spot
The unpleasantries begin in the parking lot, before you even set foot in the supermarket. Don't deny it - we've all driven in circles searching for the spot that meets our impossibly needy criteria:
- A spot in the shade
- A spot close to the entrance
- A spot far away from that activist with the clipboard who wants you to register to vote and/or save the Panda bears from extinction
- Did we mention a spot close to the entrance?
- A spot NOT in between two numbskulls who've each double parked 3 feet into your spot
- Also, somewhere close to the entrance
- A spot that's not currently occupied by rogue shopping carts that haven't been put back where they belong
- Last, but not least, a spot that's close to the entrance
As you can see, you place a high priority on finding a parking spot close to the entrance of the supermarket. But really, that's only because you don't feel like lugging your cart and bags halfway across town.
By bundling the bags and making them light as a feather, Grocery Gripps eliminates the need to fabricate a handicap parking pass and allows you to park anywhere. Plus, it frees up your other hand to shoo off the activist with the clipboard. They had it coming, anyway.
2. You Hate Your Shameful Lack of Strength
Remember high school, when you could run a mile without experiencing three asthma attacks before you crossed the finish line? Those were the days. Now, no matter what lifestyle you live, that's just not going to happen. And a shameful reminder of that is the grocery store.
Is that Arnold Schwarzenegger or just your average shopper with a Grocery Gripp?
5 pounds of watermelon. 10 pounds of orange juice. 15 pounds of produce. It adds up quickly, and you probably don't have the strength to carry it all (unless you're an Olympic weightlifter, in which case, congratulations on your record-setting bench press and a future free of heart disease).
Enter Grocery Gripps: the spinach to your Popeye. So guys, you can stop worrying about embarrassing yourself in front of that cute cashier who's totally judging your ability to lift your body weight in densely packed plastic.
And for the ladies, think of Grocery Gripps as kryptonite for warding off the creeps who constantly try to help you with your bags. Breaking the ice is suddenly much more difficult when you've got a Gripp rated at 200+ lbs. of tensile strength.
3. You Hate The Sore Hands You Feel A Lot
Fun fact: sore hands are the whole reason Grocery Gripps exists today. Patrick, the inventor and founder of Grocery Gripps, actually lost feeling in his fingers and genuinely thought that a 10 block trek from the store to his apartment had given him nerve damage.
Soreness, numbness, and even serious injury are not uncommon in the world of shopping. A trip to the supermarket is second only to typing equations into a spreadsheet as the activity most likely to give you carpal tunnel syndrome - and unlike the latter, there are no ergonomic keyboards for shopping.
Well, there is an ergonomic bag carrier made of abrasion-resistant nylon and designed for comfort. And that's not nothing. Trust us, your fingers will thank you the next time you go shopping. And your neurotic hypochondria will thank you the next time you go to WebMD - at least you can cross repetitive wrist strain off the list of five dozen symptoms you think you have.
4. You Hate the Shopping Carts...Literally Just Everything About the Shopping Carts
Next time you're at the store, take a look at the area where the shopping carts are kept. It's like a scene from The Hunger Games. If you get home today and hear about someone getting assaulted over a shopping cart, it probably won't surprise you at all.
You're Better Than This.
That's because the entrance to the supermarket is always a battlefield. There never seem to be any good carts left (an no, the cart with the dead wheel doesn't count as a "good" one) because no one ever takes them back into the store after they're done shopping.
So, every time you go shopping, you can expect at least one incoming shopper to maul you for your cart as soon as your leaving. Hopefully, by that time you've already threaded your Grocery Gripp through each bag handle and strung it over your shoulder. If you have, you can confidently say, "Yes. Take my cart. Now that I have a Grocery Gripp, I'm too good for carts, anyway."
5. You Hate the Single Servings You're Forced to Take
Remember the scene in Fight Club where Edward Norton muses that everything in his life is made up of single servings? Single-serving coffee, single-serving cream, etc. Well, what isn't known is that he was just coming back from Trader Joe's when that scene was filmed.
For the average shopper, life is full of single servings because that's all they can carry. It would be wonderful to stock up on mangos while they're still in season, but you just can't find room in your cart!
So, you buy just enough food to get you through the next few days, and then you go back to get just enough food to get you through the next few days. On and on goes the endless cycle until you finally break down and drive halfway across town to Costco's. Except you forgot that you need a membership card to shop at Costco's, and you lost yours five months ago.
Is there a better way to shop? Try heading down to the nearest store with a Grocery Gripp tucked in your pocket and confidently packing your cart with enough foodstuffs to survive two zombie apocalypses. Sure, people might laugh at you when they see you buying a 24-pack of deodorant. But we'll see who's laughing when the zombies come.
6. You Hate Packing* Your Car
*And by packing, we mean throwing everything in the trunk and hopping nothing spills.
Good luck organizing your end-of-days food supply in the trunk of your Toyota Camry, though. Because let's assume you do have enough space between your yoga mat and that bag full of clothes you were supposed to drop off at GoodWill two years ago. You're still left with the problem of organizing your groceries so that the milk doesn't spoil before you put it in the refrigerator.
We all know how groceries are supposed to be organized. You're supposed to put frozen foods in the front, refrigerated foods in the middle, and non-refrigerated foods in the back. That way, waffles and ice cream are the first foods to welcome to warm embrace of central air conditioning.
Are you really going to stand outside and keep track of which foods are in which bags and where each one is placed in your car? Probably not, because your Grocery Gripp has already organized them into a single, manageable bundle. And that's good news, because you're already dreading the three flights of stairs to your apartment you'll have to walk with all these bags in tow...
7. You Hate Walking Up the Stairs
For the average shopper, the typical trip back from the store consists of three key elements: carrying as many bags up as many stairs as you possibly can, dropping them off in your apartment, and then going back down to your car to do it again.
If you're really feeling like a renegade, you might try carrying all of your bags up the stairs (in which case, we refer you back to the "sore hands" section of this article). Or, if you're lucky, your apartment complex has an elevator - but don't kid yourself, Bill the Maintenance Guy hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet.
So, you're stuck with the stairs, which are nothing short of a joke with all your bags slung over your shoulder like the sleeve of a backpack. One trip up the stairs with a Gripp will have you feeling like your favorite Donkey.
8. You Hate Reaching for Your Keys
With only one hand occupied by your groceries, it will soon dawn on you that you're now free to use your other hand to reach for your keys and unlock your door. Your car? No problem. Your apartment? No problem. Feel free to even stop by your mailbox and check your mail with your bags securely hanging off your shoulder.
You may have never realized what a pain in the you-know-what it's been dropping your groceries and then picking them up again in between reaching into your pocket to find your keys - but now you do. Unless you're the kind of person that never locks their doors in the first place, in which case you may have bigger concerns when your Xbox suddenly goes missing.
9. You Hate That Shopping is Apparently More Important than Pokemon Go
Have you ever noticed that there don't seem to be any Pokemon Go gyms outside of the grocery store? That's not a coincidence - the supermarket and Pokemon Go are natural enemies.
Who is honestly able to take out a phone, do battle and catch a Pokemon with a handful of groceries? No one - we repeat, NO ONE - has ever caught a Snorlax outside of Wal-Mart... until now, that is.
Grocery Gripps can't guarantee that you'll have the skills it takes to be the best trainer in your neighborhood - but the next time you admire your Pokedex that's stacked with legendary Pokemon, you'll know who to thank.
10. You Hate That You're Still Reading This Instead of Buying a Gripp
Stop reading! Get a Gripp and head out to the nearest store to experience a whole new kind of shopping!Buy It Now!